QuicksilverIt will, of course, devastate New Boy when it happens. He believes, and has you convinced, that he accepts this way you are. Since he won’t have to face it for who knows how long, it will just slide below the surface. Never spoken of. Something from the past. You say those needs are now nonexistent. But nobody is fooling anybody.

When you tell Old Boy he is going to be so upset. But he will try to hide it. Your smile and a warm hug will help a bit. He’ll say how happy he is for you and wish you well. And then go away and silently cry. You say Past Boy is happy for you too, and it has given him hope. None of that is true, but I suspect he understands you, and will just bite his tongue and continue to be patient. I don’t know if you plan on telling Young Buck, but if you do I imagine he’ll just shrug his shoulders and nod. He’s been through it at least twice before. While he can never have enough of you, he’s just happy that he gets any. He knows you’ll be back. He knows this part of you.

You made me chuckle when I asked about Forever Boy. You get so defensive when I push your hot buttons. You don’t hide it very well. I get as much from what you don’t say as what you do.

But what is really telling is you actually believe what you told me. For the most part. That’s the thing that took me so long to adjust to. The total conviction you have right up to the reversal. And you are always so convincing and demand the utmost faith. That’s what set us off a year ago. I hadn’t understood it fully.

We’ll see if New Boy can handle it. It will be especially tough since he possesses you like no other has. He may think he is prepared, but time and the stratospheric highs will lull his defenses and inflate his ego. Deep down he trusts you when you say it won’t happen. But it will.

It won’t be pretty.

Don't be shy! Make a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s