Let’s Leave It Alone

“Can you call?” the text read.

I had prepared myself for this, and had firmly made up my mind. No, I couldn’t. I would not. But as is usual with you, when you catch me unaware, I’m putty. So yes, I did call.

You said you needed to explain what you meant. Actually no, you didn’t. That was just a feeble excuse. But you want that connection still to be there. You need it. You are beginning to see that. And you wanted to confide.

I guess I opened the door gently with my text earlier in the week, didn’t I? It was time and I needed to tell you.

I have to admit, it was very nice to hear your voice. It’s been a while. I know it made you happy to hear mine, too. Probably even more than you expected. I imagined your smile when you heard me. As you made me laugh.

You have so many layers. Not levels. Layers. They twist, turn, dive, and soar across that wild psyche of yours.  That’s how I fell in love, dealing with the fun, frustration, and fury of those layers. Your mental tectonic plates that rise and dip and cause continental shifts in your attitude and actions. But in a heartbeat, not an eon. Even you admit I know you better than almost anyone. I studied hard.

That’s why we disagree. You don’t know we do, but we do. You think you have permanently changed. Or at least you are trying to believe you have.  And have me assume it, as well. But I know better. I know you. I understand you. I used to get sucked in by your earnest words. Because when you speak them, you actually do believe them. Mostly. Not totally.

But time will tell, won’t it? Who knows you better in the longer term? But let’s leave it alone for now.