Fuck Toy Mea Culpa

artlimited_img130583[1]Bless me WOMAN for I have sinned.

Yup. I’m confessing here.

This came about because of a conversation with Cassandra a few days ago. It wasn’t going all that well. The conversation I mean.

The key phrase that did it for me was “So am I just your fuck toy? Is that it?”

Gulp.

I assured her she most certainly was NOT. I love her and respect her too much for that thought to even enter my mind. Hence one major reason why I was so taken aback when she spat out those words.

But I have been guilty of that in the past. Not with Cassandra, but repeatedly with other women. Many other women. In fact so many, right now I can’t even remember all of them. I’m thinking this needs to be a sort of series or something.

Let me back up a bit.

In my younger years, I was something of a bad boy. I was learning how to use the tools I had been given, and I was using them primarily for what (small c) catholics would term “sinful lusts of the flesh”. I had women. I used women.

In my early to late twenties, I learned how a not unpleasant appearance, appropriately placed compliments, and disarming charm and boyishness, could be wielded as a powerful sexual weapon. It worked unfailingly. And I used it.

And when I had had my fill, or they displeased me, or I was ready with a new woman, I would drop them. Throw them away like a used tissue. With little thought. Sure I felt some guilt. But not a lot.Β  And not for long. I have this hard side to me. I can be as cold as ice when required.Β  A stone would have more warmth and feeling. I have some insight into how and why this developed, but I’m sorry, I’m not prepared to share that right now. Just know it developed at a tender age.

Much of that has, of course, changed. Thankfully. But as Cassandra inadvertently brought some of those memories back, I think I am going to have to address some of those awkward memories. And perhaps share them here.

I’ll confess.

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16 thoughts on “Fuck Toy Mea Culpa

  1. Pingback: Fuck Toy Mea Culpa – The Nurse (Part 1) | I Think You Earthlings Are Crazy

  2. Pingback: Fuck Toy Mea Culpa – The Nurse (Part 1) | I Think You Earthlings Are Crazy

  3. Pingback: And Then There Was Mandy … | I Think You Earthlings Are Crazy

  4. Pingback: And Then There Was Mandy (Part 2) | I Think You Earthlings Are Crazy

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