Someone asked me the other day, what were the best years for me to be alive? Excluding the current time frame, of course, because I have no intention of checking out any time soon. One of my favorite time periods is from about 1977 to around 2003. That was a fabulous time to be Marty. Why you ask? Because beautiful, sexy women were all over me. Beautiful, sexy, intelligent women! And you know why? because these women were interested in an intelligent man. I always came across as smartish in those days. I knew I had swum very well in the brainiac gene pool. Well educated, and pretty well traveled, too. Did I mention I was a trivia expert? Oh yes, at any Trivial Pursuit extravaganza, I inevitably ended up with the top prize. Women were all over me. I had some pretty cool knowledge niches too. Like “seconds”. You know, what is the world’s 2nd highest mountain? Who was the 2nd person to fly solo across the Atlantic (continental mass to continental mass)? What team has won the second most World Series? What was the 2nd British group to appear on Ed Sullivan during the British Invasion? All those things that if you wanted an instant answer you had to ask Marty. Boy, those were the days!
Then along came Google. Sigh. Suddenly I was outsourced! Replaced by technology. Instead of winning, I became a poor 2nd, the victim of a few key strokes on your mobile phone.
Yes, I had been replaced
my role in womens’ minds had been displaced
my calling was now misplaced
I almost felt disgraced
it was if I had been maced
everything that held me together became unlaced
my knowledge was now outplaced
OMG what a waste!
So I had to step back. Reconsider. Reevaluate my assets. Damn! All that I seemed to be left with was my physical appearance. Uh-oh! I knew I was in big trouble, because I wasn’t 22 anymore. But then I looked at the mature men around and the effect they still have on hot women. Let’s take Hollywood for example. Now I know I have far from Hollywood looks, but their attractiveness to hot women goes way beyond their physical features. They just know they have “it” no matter what year they were born in. That gave me something to ponder.
One of the consistently highly rated sexiest guys is George Clooney. Do you ladies realize George Clooney is 53! Super approachable, hands down one of the nicest guys in Hollywood. Gee George, lend me that chin, and that hair and the villa on Lake Cuomo would be perfect too …
One of my all time favorites. Rowdy Yates can still do it for the girls. What’s Clint got that I haven’t? What he does have is attitude. Attitude? Does Marty have attitude? Just let me say, if I think you have crossed me, Dirty Harry will seem like a pussycat.
Here is THE man! How about Paul? To the end of his days he rocked Joanne Woodward’s world. And lots of other great women too. Sweet, sincere Paul Newman. And you know what? My cool blues can still draw them in, too. So Paul, you and I made a great pair.
So despite losing my battle to Google, you know what? I still got “it”. Some days I have to beat them off with a stick. I realize it’s a whole combination of factors that go into being “attractive”. Way beyond looks. It’s how you treat people, how you interact with others, and just as important, how you carry yourself and how you feel about yourself. And I feel I’m a heck of a great combination of George, Clint, and Paul. Don’t believe me? Why don’t you lean in real close and let me whisper in your ear Darling …